The Rector's letter - February 2012

Dear Friends

I am sure that I could come up with my eight Desert Island Discs given a little while to prepare. The first three or four would choose themselves straight away, but the last few would have to be whittled down from scores of favourites clamouring to be included!

There would be no such hesitation when it came to my one book. The only contender would be Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. The novel’s 800 pages have everything: family saga and love story; philosophy, politics and religion; social commentary and agricultural economics; all produced with grace and finely observed ease. I can’t say how many times I have read it, but I can’t imagine tiring of it. One day sitting on my desert island I may be diverted by the petty antics of nineteenth century Russian high society, the next I could lose myself in rustic country life and agrarian reform. One day I might be led to reflect upon all I had left behind; the next I would be drawn to consider the blessings of solitude.

Oh, and I wouldn’t take one of those old stuffy classical translations! I would go for the brilliant translation made by Pevear and Volokhonsky first published by Penguin in 2000.

One of the many things for which the novel is famous is its opening line: ‘All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.’

I really don’t like the notion of all happy families being the same. In my experience, happy families are full of all sorts of rich diversity; they excel by enabling their members to flourish in so many wonderful ways. But, yes, they are characterised by similar qualities of unswerving love, loyalty, mutual respect, easy communication, constant support and ready forgiveness.

I certainly don’t like the notion that unhappy families are somehow more excitingly unique. Why should the devil have all the best tunes? No, unhappy families are monotonously similar with their relentless catalogue of selfish indifference, intolerance, abuse, manipulation, addictions and dysfunctions.

The idea that all bad families are similar lies behind the coalition government’s proposals to intervene for ‘troubled families’. A support worker will intervene to help a troubled family to get out of the problems they have got themselves into. It’s not such a bad idea, and I’ve seen it work to great effect. The problem for me is that it targets dysfunctional families without realising that all families, good and bad, sometimes get things wrong and need support at various times. The proposed £400m investment in the 120,000 ‘worst’ families is all well and good, but much more funding will be withdrawn from those support services which are available to all, and which have prevented many good families from falling into trouble.  

The truth is that all families include good and bad. No one is perfect. We each have a personal responsibility to keep on building on the good things, to keep on doing all we can to provide a safe haven for each other despite the pressures and pitfalls and failures of life. As a church we can offer help and support to all families, and indeed provide a family embrace to those who are alone. But we can only make a difference if we are honest about the pains and tribulations as well as the joys of family life, in all its diversity.

I guess if you want to avoid the challenges of family life you will need to go to a desert island. But don’t forget to take a good book!

Yours sincerely 

Philip Stevens

Parish Priest